I’m not sure how it would fly with my constituents, if I were to ask for a two hour nap during the final push leading up to Election Day. I’d imagine I would be preeeeetty tuckered out by my upteenth trip to Ohio; Ohio would not be getting my A-game.
Fancy for a moment an entire world focused on you, waiting for you to snap and throw someone the bird. I’m self-aware enough to know that in such a state of fatigue, I’d give the media what they wanted. You wouldn’t have to poke me too hard with a stick to get the money shot.
I’d pop off.
Call my opponent a four letter word into a live mike I thought was turned off.
Therefore, to save myself and my family from future apologies and embarrassment, and with much thoughtful prayer and consideration; I’m withdrawing my candidacy for the Office of the President effective immediately and forever.
God Bless America. God Bless the Pittsburgh Steelers.