It’s “Taking Back Tuesday,” and I’m facing my personal inventory of gripes head on today. I’m putting them all out there in the Wild West of the Universe and letting the Big Man Upstairs sort them out. You’ll see them once, and never again. They’re dead to me. In no particular order of importance:
- I’m tired of being wet.
- I’m tired of political ads and, more so, of the people who think they are biblical truth.
- I’m tired of cleaning up toys, stepping on toys, and having toys stuck to the bottoms of my feet; only to pick them up and have them dumped back on the floor when I go to the bathroom.
- I’m tired of paying in the $4 ballpark for a gallon of gas.
- I’m tired of shifting summer and winter wardrobes.
- I’m tired of watching men get paid HUUUUUUUGE salaries for what a woman can do before breakfast, and without all the “atta boys.”
- I’m tired of matching socks, only to find my pile of partner-less socks getting larger and larger.
- I’m tired of trying to decide whether or not to turn on the furnace.
- I’m tired of wiping boogers.
- I’m tired of cooking delicious dinner morsels that get caked in a) barbeque sauce, or b) ketchup, or are c) fed to our dog, Snoopy Jones.
Therefore, I have no other recourse than to axe my entire stash of bitches and moans in one fell swoop. Tonight to celebrate my purge of negativity, I’m having a gyro all by myself… in the center of the toy heap, in dry clothes still warm from the dryer, with one sock on, and the television off. The kitchen is closed and the ketchup is going on the fries only. Let the boogers run. Let the politicians whine. Let the boys eat macaroni and cheese drowned in Heinz.
God, I love Tuesdays.