I don’t know what could be worse;
You pulling out that
Unexpected gift bag,
I have nothing for you in return.
I just don’t know what’s worse;
The startling sight of
Red and green wrapping,
Or my boss barging in to my stall.
I cannot decide what is worse;
Your sickeningly thoughtful
Or my skirt tucked into my hose.
I’m trying to decide which is worse:
You with a purchase,
I with nothing,
Or forgetting to wear pants to work.
(I’m a jackass.)
You see, my office friend,
We made no firm commitment
So I left you off of my list.
I struggle and squirm,
I open my gift thinking
What in the hell I’ll say next.
“I left your gift at home.
It’s right on the counter.”
I’m a shiftless, Christmas gift-less liar.