Last week I introduced “Taking Back Tuesdays” on momsaidwhat. Some people save whales or those ridiculously cute baby seals some heartless, Arctic bastard is always clubbing to death (might as well step on a kitten or two while they’re at it); I save Tuesday, the cockroach of the week.
Today poses a significant challenge in my grassroots effort to shine up the appearance of hum drum Tuesday. Today in the United States of America is a little holiday we like to call Tax Day. While it is unfortunate that Uncle Sam doesn’t give us the courtesy of a day off to recover from him bending us over, I will not be deterred.
I will not be negative.
I will not give “THE MAN” any additional satisfaction over the 30-odd-percent of my income he currently pilfers from my paystub.
I’ve decided to stick it to THE MAN by having a good laugh out loud all by myself, right here at my desk on company time. He can’t take that from me. It’s a free country…minus the 30-odd-percent tithe.
I’m laughing out loud today, Uncle Sam, because my parents are getting older and funnier with each passing day, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
My parents, The Captain and Mr. Wonderful, just celebrated their 39th wedding anniversary, and as the old standard joke goes, they’ve “never talked divorce. Murder, but not divorce.” Ba-dump-bump ching.
The Captain celebrated the day by posting the following cheese to her Facebook page for all the world to see—except for Mr. Wonderful. No “FacePage” for him, thanks. (Again, I would like to thank my sister-in-law Audrey for linking The Captain up with the masses. It’s like watching a child run with scissors in slow motion. It is because of you, Audrey that this type of BS makes its way around the internet). Anyway, enjoy:
It’s sickening AND it’s unreasonable. There is no way in hell The Captain would ever let Mr. Wonderful out of the house in all white. He would come home with an itemized list of everything he had eaten or drank that day, as memorialized in the stains on his shirt and pants. If this were an actual photo of my parents, my dad would be dressed in all brown or all black.
Mr. Wonderful, well not to be outdone, decided to pay tribute to his lady love in an equally romantic and touching way. He just can’t remember how. Two days after their anniversary and he has completely forgotten what the hell they did to celebrate!
I kid you not, and this is the beauty of aging parents, Mr. Wonderful is either:
- Expressing the beginning states of dementia or;
- Has finally mastered, after 39 years of marriage, tuning out The Captain entirely or;
- Has officially lost the ability to take care of himself or his affairs.
I know that it isn’t dementia (A), because he distinctly remembers the burger he ate on Friday at the Elrama Tavern (red meat is at a premium on The Captain’s menu. She cooks heart healthy meals, thank you very much), and the Michael Jackson Immortal show they went to on Sunday. But Saturday’s anniversary celebration, well that’s all a blur. Ain’t love grand?
I’m also confident that “B” can be ruled out. As I am personally learning, the key to healthy relationship does rely, to some extent, on the ability to tune out your spouse; though it is never acceptable to admit to doing so in any way, shape, or form.
That leaves me with “C,” clearly the best choice of the three. I know that Mr. Wonderful didn’t make the anniversary plans, The Captain did; thus excusing him from all responsibility in the planning process. Definitely C. I can also guarantee that The Captain dressed him for their anniversary date, dressed him in all black like Johnny Cash.
Congratulations, Mom and Dad, for showing us kids how it’s done. Here’s hoping for many more years of wedded bliss and a livetime together without criminal charges.
And thank you for helping me stick it to the Man, because I’m “Taking Back Tuesday” with a big laugh-out-loud on you.